


Konosuba time loops compilation (innotal) not Xeno style

by Zenomew



Category: Isekai animes, Time loops - Fandom, この素晴らしい世界に祝福を! | KonoSuba: God's Blessing on this Wonderful World! - All Media Types
Genre: Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:08:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27706723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zenomew/pseuds/Zenomew
Summary: Just a compilation of time loops of Isekai anime/mangas
Kudos: 5





	Konosuba time loops compilation (innotal) not Xeno style

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a compilation I don’t own anything not even the stories This is just to organize the scattered stories in space battle forums all credits go to the authors

* * *

Loop: Konosuba

Anchor: Satou Kazuma

Loopers: Megumin, Lalatina 'Darkness' Dustiness Ford

Admin: Eris

Kazuma blinked as he stared at all the papers strewn on the floor in front of him. Aqua was sitting on a chair, eating chips and telling him to hurry up. In the eyes of a newcomer, this would be the very beginning of your average isekai protagonists adventure, selecting their cheat item and entering an rpg style world to achieve some grand goal in the name of a higher power.

Kazuma Satou knew this, because that’s what he had done before. And somehow, he was doing it again.

He was still trying to process how this could have happened. He didn’t remember having triggered any kind of flag that would cause him to travel back in time. Yes, he didn’t exactly enjoy his time with the girls, but he didn’t hate it either. Nor did he remember Megumin or Aqua pressing any random buttons due to their own stupid reasons. He didn’t remember asking Eris to do something like this, he wasn’t sure if the asshole that made the Destroyer had made anything time travel related that he might have stumbled upon. There really was no reason for something like this to happen.

“Could you hurry it up, you NEET? I have a quota to fill, you know.”

Aqua didn’t remember him, and he was still trying to figure out if that was a blessing or a curse. On the one hand, she was a dumber than a bag of bricks, obnoxious and egotistical idiot of a goddess that was a constant threat to his mind, body, heart and wallet. On the other hand, he would be lying to himself if he didn’t say he saw her as something of a sister. An immensely annoying sister that was constantly drowning him with debts, but a sister nonetheless. 

And that got him thinking of the other two problem children of his, Megumin and Darkness. The explosive lunatic and the masochistic pervert. Another constant source of headaches and suffering throughout his life in Axel. And yet, he was dating the lunatic, who had proven herself as an intelligent and brash person, who’s dedication to a single spell was somehow a source of both frustration and admiration. And the masochist, who no matter how selfish her desires, would always shield their party from danger and live up to the role of the team tank, and who’s sense of duty was next to none.

Laying on the floor were all a bunch of choices for weapons, the “blessings” (cheat items, really) that would all lead to the same thing: a new chance at becoming the standard isekai protagonist he could have become had he not chosen Aqua. A chance to become the world's greatest hero, to amass fame and fortune like no other, to be able to live a life free of all the frustrations and dangers of the world, and a chance to finally amass his dream harem!

But, on the other hand, if he hadn’t chosen Aqua the first time, he wouldn’t have ever met the problem children that would grow to be his closest friends. He would not have been motivated to improve himself into a legitimately skilled adventurer. He would not have met the various odd friends he had made throughout his adventure. Would he really throw that all away just to live out the bog standard life of an isekai protagonist played straight?

...

Of course he would! 

He started to scan the papers on the floor to see what cool weapons could catch his eye. Besides, Aqua always complained about wanting to go back home, so not choosing her would remove that issue out of the way! Plus, he could always just pick up Megumin and Darkness and add them to his team. He just needed to gather up more competent adventurers so that they didn’t weigh them down. Then, everyone would think of him as a genius leader that could make even the most overspecialized wackjob into a powerful adventurer in their own right!

His eyes landing on a bow that would absorb all the mana of an enemy he shot at with it and transfer it to the wielder, he looked up from the floor to stare directly at Aqua’s face. He would do it! He would choose his cheat item, he would make sure that he and Aqua got what they wanted, and he would become the world’s greatest hero, and be able to live a life of luxury and leisure without being bothered by the useless goddess that caused all of the problems in his life and annoyed him to no end! The goddess that he had formed a bond of understanding with!

He lifted his finger, and with all the assuredness of a teenage boy who knew what he wanted in life, pointed it at his choice of cheat, the item that would aid him in becoming the greatest adventurer ever.

“I choose this.”

He had pointed at Aqua.

As the goddess shook Kazuma back and forth, tears streaming from her eyes as she yelled at him about how he could be so cruel to take her with him, Kazuma had a completely blank look on his face as he processed what he had done.

He had pointed at Aqua.

Was this what Stockholm Syndrome was like? Was he so attached to the people who routinely caused him suffering that, even when he galvanized his decision of choosing anything but her, he would choose her again?

The townsfolk stared at the scene in front of them, of a woman that dressed and looked a lot like the goddess the Axis cult worshipped shaking around a teenage boy wearing a very strange looking article of clothing. If one paid attention, they could see tears starting to stream down the boys blank face as the woman ranted at him about how “she was a goddess and this is completely unbefitting for her!” They made a p made a point of giving these two a wide berth.

What no one, not even the gods of the universe themselves, knew, was that a higher being had gifted this wonderful world with a blessing like no other. One that would allow a select few to experience their wonderful world over and over.

No one in this universe will ever agree with this line of thought.

* * *

It was a surprisingly tasty chip, all things considered. The Goddess Aqua didn’t question how it had come into her mouth: she simply ate it with aplomb, and when it was fully chewed up and swallowed, she picked another one up. “Are you going to pick already?” she mechanically asked the very still and very creepy boy in front of her.

Some small part of Aqua’s mind perked up at that moment, before slapping her upside the head with the panties she never wore. She had been here before... in fact, she knew exactly where she was. “Wait a minute...” Aqua said as a dawning realization came crashing over her.

“I choose you.”

“Sure, but... wait.”

And suddenly it all came crashing down.

“WHAT THE HELL!?!” 

Aqua’s shrieks echoed through the bleak eternity that unfolded around her and Kazuma. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CHOOSE ME! KAZUMA, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING!?! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?!”

Kazuma looked surprisingly dead, like a man who had just learned that he had had a heart attack, wet himself, died on the operating table while the doctors laughed at him, and whose parents laughed at him, all because he tried to save a girl from being hit by a slow moving tractor. Not that he hadn’t just learned that, but he looked especially dead. “I choose you Aqua,” he said with the conviction of a man who had gone completely insane.

A bright light opened up above and Eris slowly began to descend. “Your wish will be granted Kazuma Sato,” she declared, narrowly dodging the entire chair Aqua threw at her.

“LIKE HELL IT WILL!!! I AM A GODDESS, I’M NOT GETTING ROPED INTO HIS INSANITY AGAIN! YOU CAN’T MAKE ME DO THIS, PLEASE!!” she pled.

“Again?” Kazuma muttered as the pair slowly ascended into pillars of light.

“PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME DO THIS! IT’S SO BENEATH ME! PLEASE DON’T SEND ME AWAY LIKE THIS!” Aqua screamed as she faded away to Axel.

-

Aqua lay face down on the ground, trembling and sobbing. “No, no, no. Not again... not again...” she whimpered.

* * *

Identity Theft

Aqua was repeating time now. Well, sometimes she repeated time, other times, she didn’t show any awareness of the repeats. Did that make a difference to Kazuma’s situation?

“Kazuma!”

“Yeah, Kazuma here.”

No, not in the slightest. As expected of the useless goddess. Even when she  was aware, she was of no help at all. She didn’t remember earning the ire of someone with power over time, or if there happened to be a god  of  time that could have been responsible. So, back he was to square one of his investigation. 

And here he was, back in the stable, in debt, sleeping on hay next to a pile of horseshit, and with Aqua standing at the entrance with a beaming smile on her face. That smile meant one thing: Aqua did something stupid.

“What did you do this time?” He growled out as he turned to look at the goddess, and saw her holding a bottle of red wine.  Expensive  red wine.

“Since it’s all your fault you dragged me into this time travel mess, I’ve decided that as compensation, you will be paying for all of my food and drinks from now on. I need all the comfort food I can get to recover from the horrible things you’ve done to me” She said as she lovingly hugged her favorite bubbly, closing her eyes to imagine all the food Kazuma would buy for her. 

Opening her eyes revealed the reality that was Kazuma glaring at her while standing hunched over. “My fault? Oh, I guess it’s the weak, pathetic NEET that managed to turn back time to spite the beautiful, all powerful goddess- how stupid can you be!” He said with false cheer, before starting to yell at her by the end of the sentence. “Are you seriously making me waste money on you while we’re in debt again? Give me that wine bottle, I’m going to sell it to make back the money  you  wasted stupidly!” 

Aqua dropped down on the floor to protect her bubbly, crying as Kazuma tried to pry it out of her hands. “WAAAHH! I won’t give up my bubbly! I won’t, I won’t! She’s all I have left!”

Kazuma gave up trying to take the wine away by force, backing away from the crying goddess to use his trump card. “Alright, since you’re not giving up, I’ll just use Steal to take it from your hands. Since you don’t wear panties  and  your luck is complete shit, it’ll work like a charm!” He thrust his hand towards her and shouted. “Steal!”

“NOOOOOOO!!!” Aqua cried as she saw Kazuma’s hand glow, closing her eyes and hugging the wine bottle as tightly as possible. When she felt the glow fade, she peeked her eyes open… to see the bottle still in her hand. She looked at Kazuma and saw the boy looking in confusion at his own hand, which had nothing in it.

“HAH! Your spell failed! I told you your luck would faill one day- NOOOOOO!!!” She tried to boast, only to cry in shock as Kazuma snatched the bottle out of her hands.

Kazuma held back the goddess with one arm as he raised the bottle out of her reach. “I don’t know why Steal failed, but right now, all I plan to do is sell  your  booze and get  my  money back!” He suddenly let go of Aqua, causing her to fall over onto the hay pile, and giving him time to run out of the stables. 

Kazuma ran through the streets of Axel towards the nearest pawn shop, Aqua hot on his heels trying to save her baby. Rapidly turning a corner, he used Lurk to hide in an alley. He chuckled malevolently as he saw Aqua rush past him, deactivated Lurk, and when he saw that the coast was clear, he began to cheerfully stroll his way towards his destination.

Entering the shop, he cheerfully greeted the owner, who just so happened to be the mohawk guy. It was a common sight, seeing different people in different places every repeat. But right now he didn’t feel like following that train of thought. Right now, he had booze to sell.

“Hello, good sir! How much can I get for this bottle of wine?”

“Hah, such a strange sight, seeing Ms. Aqua  selling  booze instead of buying it. What made you change your mind to do that?”

Kazuma opened his eyes and stared at mohawk guy in confusion. “Come again?”

“Ah, I won’t judge Ms. Aqua’s change of heart. I normally give a hundred thousand Eris for a bottle, but since you're so popular, I’ll throw in an extra fifty thousand.”

Mohawk guy dropped a bag of Eris in Kazuma’s hand, taking the bottle of wine of the other. Kazuma was still confused by the entire exchange as he walked out the store. What the f*ck just happened there?

“Ah, Lady Aqua! I have found you!”

Oh, great, it was Magic Sword Guy. What was his name again, Cloaca Missuri? Booyah Curry?

“Do you remember me? I’m your chosen champion, Kyouya Mitsurugi! You were the one who gave me Gram in order to defeat the Demon King.”

No, that name didn’t sound right. “Ok, what the hell is going on?! Is this some kind of prank Aqua’s playing on me?! Cause she’s definitely not smart enough to do this!” He asked Magic Sword Guy. 

The Japanese could only look at him in confusion at his question. He started to laugh. “Hahaha! Ah, Lady Aqua, your sense of humor is impeccable!” He got on one knee and daintily held Kazuma’s hand. A crowd had gathered to witness the occasion, and Kazuma stared around in mortification, asking himself “what the f*ck is happening right now?!” in his head. “Lady Aqua, now that I have found you, you can help me in the quest you send me out to achieve: defeating the Demon King. Join me, and together, we can defeat him!”

The crowd applauded Magic Sword Guys speech, and they stared expectantly at Kazuma to hear his answer.

“Seriously, what the f*ck is going on right now!” Kazuma shocked the crowd with his coarse language. He yanked his hand away from Magic Sword Guy. “Let go of me, you weirdo! In case you haven’t noticed, I look nothing like that useless goddess that sent you here!”

“Goddess Blow!”

Before anyone could react, a woman with blue hair punched Magic Sword Guy in the face, dazing the japanese and shocking the audience. She grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt and started to shake the concussed man around, yelling at him. “What the hell are you doing, saying this dumb HikiNEET is me?! I’m your goddess and you should be worshiping ME! Why won’t no one recognize me!”

The crowd started to mutter amongst themselves at the sight of the crazy woman, not noticing Kazuma use the opening to grab onto Aqua, and with a quick application of Escape, fled the scene with her.

“How dare you steal the name of a goddess! What kind of perverted things were you going to do with it!”

“Why would I ever do that?! I’d rather freeze to death in this stable than have your name attached to me!”

After their quick escape from further public humiliation, the duo of Aqua and Kazuma returned back to the stables to discuss (complain) about the strange events of the day.

Kazuma stared at his own hand as he contemplated what he had somehow stolen. “Steal never did something like this before. I’ve never seen or heard anyone manage to steal someone’s name.”

“Well whatever happened, I want my name back. How do you think my precious children are going to react when we meet up with them again?”

“I don’t even know how I did it the first time, what makes you think I can reverse it? Seriously, it makes me feel bad that your Intelligence stat can never grow. I think we should ask Wiz, she might know how to reverse it.”

“My brothers and sisters, this heretic dares take the name of our beloved goddess, Aqua!” An Axis cultist shouted to the crowd, standing next to a tied up Kazuma. “Today, we shall show him what we do to those who dare sully the name of the one we worship! Ready your stones!”

And all the while, Kazuma had a resigned look on his face as he awaited his death. He was gonna ask Eris to let him go to hell. Or just to kill him. He was tired of this timeline anyway.

* * *

Megumin?

“Bakuretsu, bakuretsu, la la la!”

If there was one thing that didn’t change about these time repeats, it’s that Kazuma and Megumin would always do their Explosion routine when they had the chance. Like clockwork, Megumin would show up to respond to Aqua’s stupid teammate request, she would prove herself a one trick glass cannon, she would blackmail him into keeping her on the team, annd they would start up their routine when Veldia arrived. It was annoying to repeat the same scenario over and over, but it was enjoyable in a way for Kazuma to relieve his first meeting with the explosion maniac.

They had arrived at their destination: Veldia’s castle, and Megumin was preparing to cast Explosion, with Kazuma at the side ready to gauge the quality as the Explosion Connoisseur that he was. But that’s when something strange happened.

In the middle of her incantation, Megumin had stopped. Kazuma paid that no mind, she probably had a flash of inspiration for an even better line, so he didn’t bother taking his eyes off the castle. But as Megumin started the incantation, he didn’t see the spell circles appear in the sky.

“Oi, Megumin! Where the hell are you aiming it this time? You do realize you’ll get in trouble- WHAT THE FU- !!!”

“EXPLOSION!”

“IS THIS THE MOUTH OF THE IDIOT WHO KILLED US?! ADMIT IT!”

“LEMME ESHPLAIN! LEMME ESHPLAIN!”

The goddess Eris watched the bizarre spectacle in front of her, of Aqua’s chosen champion pulling on the cheeks of a young Crimson Demon girl. She didn’t really have the context behind the scene, or as to why any sane person would cast Explosion on themselves.

The explanation that Megumin gave made no difference.

“You think your Explosion spell broke time?” Kazuma deadpanned.

“Indeed!” Megumin puffed her chest out in pride.

“Aren’t you Crimson Demons supposed to have high intelligence? Because that sounds like something Aqua would come up with.”

“Are you really insulting the intelligence of your woman, Kazuma?!”

“Well, I wouldn’t call you a wo- “

Eris interrupted Kazuma’s stupid statement in order to prevent his second death. “Uhmm, why don’t we let Megumin explain her reasoning? I can confirm if her theory is correct?”

“Thank you, Eris.” Megumin flared her cape to give her explanation in her usual manner, to Kazuma’s chagrin. “You see, I believe that when you gifted me only the highest grade manatite in the land, my usage of it allowed me to empower my Explosion spell beyond that of any spell in existence!”

“Pretty sure that’s not how manatite works.”

“So powerful, in fact, that when I used it, it shook reality itself to the core, to the point that not even time itself could handle it. With all of us caught in the blast, the both of us, along with Darkness, must have been caught in the blast and have been shot all the way back to the past! To the very beginning of our adventures!”

“But Aqua is also here. She was inside the castle when that happened, and she’s repeating time too.”

“She must have come out to see who was casting such a powerful Explosion, and was caught in the blast in the process.”

Both Eris and Kazuma processed the frankly insane explanation provided by Megumin. The former was fairly certain that there was no way an Explosion spell would have damaged time. She would have noticed something like a damaged timeline. Then again, she did feel that something weird was going on with it. She just couldn’t put her finger on it. Maybe Megumin was right?

Meanwhile, Kazuma.

“...Yeah, I give up. I accept that explanation.” The boy just shrugged. Such a casual acceptance did not sit well with the Explosion caster.

“That’s how you're reacting?! You should be impressed by the power of my Explosion, and you should be down on the floor praising my greatness! Didn’t you refer to me as the world’s strongest mage?!”

“I did, but that doesn’t mean you're the smartest.”

“Why you!-”

“And even if you were, you would be smart enough to realize that this is all your fault, right?”

Megumin glared at Kazuma.

“Well, I  have noticed something off. I haven’t been able to pinpoint the cause of it, though. This is the only explanation we have for now.” Eris admitted. “Is there anything you yourself have found out, Kazuma?”

“Ah, well, for one, not everyone repeats time consistently. Aqua is sometimes aware, but sometimes she’s not. Even Megumin wasn’t aware of the repeats until this one.”

“Wait, why did Aqua remember first? Why was I second?”

“How should I know? Anyway, I guess Darkness is probably going to start remembering soon, but all I know is that I’m the only one that remembers consistently. The other thing is that  you  don’t remember anything.” He pointed at the goddess. “I’ve asked you about this every repeat, and you never remember anything in the next one. Really, you guys call yourselves gods, and you can’t notice time travelers?”

“Gaah, I promise we’re better than this! We just can’t pinpoint the problem, is all!” The goddess shook her head in embarrassment. “Ei- either way since you are dead, would you like to be pass on, or be reincarnated?”

“I want to be reincarnated as the next Demon King, and rule over the world with an iron-”

“We repeat time if I choose anything other than being revived, so no reincarnation for you. We'll pass on, thanks.” Kazuma quickly shot down Megumin’s chuuni delusions. She gave him a childish pout, but she dropped it when he started to chuckle. “Oh, don’t be disappointed, Megumin, you’ll have far worse things to pout at when I’m done with you.”

“Wh- what? What are you thinking? Stop moving your fingers so lewdly!”

“Why, you’re punishment for breaking time, of course. What, you thought I would just forgive you because we are “more than friends?” Think again!” Kazuma started to laugh maniacally as the light that would take the two to the afterlife started to shine upon them, the Crimson Demon screaming in terror as they rose up.

The goddess, Eris, could only shake her head at her superior's choice of champion. Hopefully, they would be able to come up with a solution to this time travel mess.

* * *

Kazuma blinked owlishly and examined his surroundings. Sometimes, he would wake up later in time, like in their visit to the Crimson Demon village, or while he was crashing at princess Iris’ place, and sometimes while he was in the middle of doing something. In this case, he was in the fields outside of Axel, and he was currently pulling on Aqua's cheeks. He examined his surroundings, ignoring the indignant shouts the goddess was giving him and addressed the arch mage that was standing by the sidelines, not doing anything.

“Oi, Megumin! Are you time traveling right now?”

“Finally, you’re here! And yeah, Aqua and I have been aware for a while. We could have used your sense of cowardice earlier, Aqua is making us do a quest against our arch enemies: the giant toads.”

Ah, toads. The bane of Aqua and Megumin’s existences. Kazuma wouldn’t lie to himself and not consider watching the two girls suffer at the mouths of the giant slimy frogs to be enjoyable. But that did bring into question why he was trying to kill Aqua. Normally, she would have to do something particularly stupid to make him that angry.

“What did you do this time?”

“Well, Trashuma, if you must know,” Aqua pulled out the poster from somewhere and presented it to Kazuma, revealing the contents to him. “I got us a great quest to battle against those evil toads, and for the great reward of 100 million Eris! For some reason, probably your questionable sense of logic, you said it was insane because something worth that much reward money would be far more dangerous than we could handle.” The (useless) goddess had a very self-satisfied look on her face, ignoring the twitchy eyed death glare Kazuma was giving her.

“You remember how much we used to get paid per giant frog, right Megumin?”

“5 thousand Eris.” She said in a deadpan monotone.

“And how many does the quest say we have to kill, Megumin?”

“One.”

Aqua shrank down under the glares Kazuma and Megumin were giving her. Suddenly, she adopted a look of fear instead as she stared at something that had appeared behind them, which Kazuma could infer based on the shadow that was covering them. He and Megumin ever so slowly turned around to stare at the owner of the shadow, and adopted the same look Aqua had.

It was very big, and very round, with three bulbous eyes giving them a glare. It had numerous giant black mushrooms with glowing yellow spots growing around its body, which complemented its green skin quite nicely to give it a very gross appearance. It released a puff of spores out of its nostrils and into the frozen adventurers faces.

“Kazuma.” Megumin said through her mortal terror.

“Yes, I’m Kazuma.”

“What should we do?”

“We run.”

“Is it gone!” Aqua asked as she tried to catch her breath.

“Huff, huff, yeah, it’s really slow, apparently.” Kazuma said, staring at the giant Toadstool (apparently what it was called, which was very fitting) glaring at them in the distance, making no effort to actually follow them.

“Kazuma, Kazuma!”

“Kazuma present.”

“That beast is the perfect target for my Explosion! I can definitely take it out in one hit if you let me!”

The giddy look Megumin had warmed Kazuma’s heart. “Yeah, alright. We might as well finish the quest and get that reward money. Go nuts.”

“Hah, I told you this quest was a good idea.”

“YOU HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS QUESTS SUCCESS!”

Ignoring the argument developing between the goddess and the boy, Megumin performed her chant. “Darkness darker than the darkest dark, and blacker than blackest black, let my madness shine through and annihilate this hideous beast! EXPLOSION!”

The immense power of her spell engulfed the Toadstool, and destroyed a good chunk of the plains. Once the blast receded after a good few minutes, the team could see the result of the Crimson Demon’s handywork: A gigantic crater of charred earth, and absolutely no Toadstool.

“Quest…completed.” The Crimson Demon fell over a limp mess as she usually did, awaiting for Kazuma to carry her.

Aqua admired Megumin’s handywork, while Kazuma gave the latter enough mana via Drain Touch to move again. “You see, what did I tell you? It all went perfectly well. Now, if I hadn’t so graciously gotten us this quest, we wouldn’t even be here right now. I think that means  I  get the bigger chunk of reward money, correct?”

“You are a dumb bitch. I just want you to know that.”

“How dare you!”

Ignoring the argument as she usually did with these two, and being mildly peeved at no piggybacks, Megumin stared at her own handywork, and decided to look up at the clouds blown back by her spell.

“GYAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!”

Ceasing their argument to look at the arch mage screaming at something in the sky, Aqua and Kazuma looked at what caused Megumin’s reaction. Specifically, the body of the Toadstool descending towards their exact position. Letting out screams of their own, they all jumped away in time to avoid becoming pasteurized by the falling body. Once the dust settled, they could see the Toadstool shake itself out of its stupor, still alive after a full power Megumin class Explosion!

“What the crap! Why is it not dead?!”

The Toadstool started to shake in place, and around the adventurers, a bunch of mushroom trees started to grow around them, appearing to empower the beast. Kazuma and Aqua, with no other option, pulled out their respective weapons and charged the beast in a desperate attempt to defeat it.

A painful, scream of terror filled slog of stabs, staff swipes and ineffectual water based attacks by Aqua later, and the Toadstool was finally downed for good. They made sure to move as far away from the dead body as possible, just to avoid any unnecessary surprises, and were finally recovering their breaths.

“That beast,” Megumin was panting out. “It survived the power of my Explosion. Am I losing my touch? Have I grown complacent and am not properly training anymore?”

“Don’t start with me now, the thing was clearly way tougher than it looked. It was basically a damage sponge, those bosses are a pain to fight against.”

Aqua, as was usual of her after every fight against a giant toad, was bawling on her knees. “Kazuma!”

“That’s me, Kazuma.”

“I’m dirty and tired and I wanna go home now!”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s get out of here before things get worse somehow.”

Kazuma remained silent for a few seconds, and with expression unchanged, realized he had just raised an event flag.

Sure enough, they could feel the ground shaking from heavy footsteps, and in the distance appeared a bunch of Toadstools of differing colors, making their merry way towards them.

Kazuma took the blame for this death.

[End Snip]

* * *

Toadstool is a boss from Don't Starve, famous for being the beefiest boss of Don't Starve Together, at 52500 health. The variant our team of dumbfucks fought this time was Misery Toadstool, a version with 99999 health. Beating it nets you a hat and a lamp. Yeah.

* * *

“This is…bizarre.” Darkness muttered to herself as she stood at the outskirts of the Demon King's castle, exactly as she remembered.

Except there were things that she didn’t remember earlier that she remembered now, mostly pertaining to the fact that Kazuma Satou, the cynical, perverted, underhanded, scummy, yet effective leader of the team Darkness was glad she was a part of, was the Demon King. 

It was all rather strange, the teammate she admired suddenly becoming the Demon King, and also having always been the Demon King. And her having never met Megumin and Aqua. And that she wasn’t the current mayor of Axel, and that Alderp was still around and-

She had to clutch her head in pain for the headache that she felt coming on. This was all so strange. It was almost as if she had travelled back through time to the very beginning of her adventure. 

“Kazuma should have the answers.” She rationalized. Usually, the adventurer would have the answer or solution to the problem that was at hand. Whether it was beating the latest demon general, clearing up a 2 billion Eris debt and preventing an arranged marriage, Kazuma would always pull through for the team, and he would always complain and lob insults at them the entire time. She sighed at that thought.

All she had to do was waltz up to the castle and get his attention. Kazuma might be the Demon King (as she had suspected in the early days of their adventures,) but he always dropped everything in order to drag them out of their latest predicament. And if he didn’t, then he could-

[Due to the detailed and graphic description of the disturbing subject matter that is being tackled here, we invite you to imagine something else entirely to distract yourself from this quick peek into the mind of a disturbed individual. Please imagine Chomusuke laying on the kotatsu and basking in the sunlight. After a few seconds, she shuffles around a bit and lays on her side. Good, that should be enough.]

Darkness was panting at the thought. How exciting!

The crusader began her march towards the castle, prepared to take on whatever they threw at her with open arms.

“Out of all the fuckups that that useless bitch of a goddess has made, this one takes the cake.” The greatest threat to this wonderful world that has yet to be named (note to self: ask Eris,) Kazuma Satou, the dreaded Demon King, said out loud to no one in particular. He had ordered his loyal followers to remove themselves from his presence, so that he could attend to his business. They didn’t make much of a fuss, even the Demon King had urges.

Kazuma slouched on the, admittedly rather badass and comfy, throne that was apparently now his, still processing how he ended up as the main villain. When he died, he was gonna have a good, long talk with Aqua about this. He’ll crawl his way out of hell if he has to. 

Just as he started to figure out the best way to off himself, one of his butlers appeared at the door. “My lord, a crusader is at the border seeking to challenge you. Should we kill her?”

A crusader? Her? “Wait, does this crusader wear white, angelic armor, have blonde hair tied in a ponytail and is busy yelling disturbing things about how she can take whatever horrible, malevolent thing we do to her body if we take her in as a slave?”

“Yes, my lord. Our guards are very disturbed. How did you know that?” The butler inquired.

“Just a guess. Bring her in, I’ll deal with her personally. And tell everyone they can take a break, and to not interrupt me for any reason.” Kazuma ordered like a professional Demon King, even though spiritually he had only been one for about a few hours. He sat back on the throne and awaited the busty crusaders arrival.

“You may have me at your mercy, but just know that no matter how much you abuse or torture me I will never falter. I will resist even when you start using me for your filthy fantasies and-”

“Darkness, it’s me, Kazuma.”

“So it is you? I’ve always known deep down that a man as vile and scummy as you would be the Demon King.”

“YOU REALLY THINK THAT ABOUT ME? YOUR GRACIOUS LEADER WHO LEAD YOU IN THE BATTLE AGAINST THE DEMON KING?”

The crusader faltered at that. “What? But…how would you-”

“Time travel. Now stop being a weird pervert and let me explain things.”

“Pervert?!”

“Shut!” Once he saw that the masochistic crusader had finally shut up, the blush on her face making it clear what she was feeling at the moment, Kazuma began to explain. “Look, I don’t know how, but the manatite I gave Megumin somehow empowered her Explosion spell so much that it managed to break time. It sound stupid, I know, but fact of the matter is I’ve been repeating time for a really long ass time.”

“Ho-how long?”

“I’ve had, like, 200 resets, give or take. I’m honestly surprised how I can remember all of that, but I do, somehow.” The boy massaged his forehead as he paced around the room. “And for some reason, things are different sometimes. Sometimes, time resets right after we finished dealing with Sylvia in the Crimson Village, which for some reason ends with me getting fused with whatever the hell she turned herself into. Sometimes we actually  kill the Demon King, and I’m still trying to figure out how and why.” He sat back on the throne. “Aqua and Megumin are also repeating time, but not always. Sometimes one remembers and the other doesn’t, and sometimes they both remember, and sometimes it’s neither. We were actually expecting you to join us at some point, about damn time by the way.”

“Ah, I see why you brought me in here now.”

“Freeze.”

The crusader reacted to the stinging cold sensation on the back of her neck with a shriek. 

“I know exactly what you’re thinking, and no, that’s not what’s going to happen.”

“I was saying that you brought me in here because you thought there was a chance I had started repeating time too! You truly are a man befitting of the moniker Scumzuma!”

“As if! You were making the guards uncomfortable with your masochistic rants! In this context, you were the bad guy that I had to save my guards from!” 

On the other side of the door, a goblin approached to ask their great Demon King for something, only to overhear the sounds of an argument, perform a full 180 and start walking in the other direction. The King must be arguing with one of the maids again. And the goblin did not want to be a part of that shit.

Back inside, after the argument and one missed punch by Darkness, the two were contemplating their next move.

“So, what do we do now? As a crusader my duty  is  to defend the innocent against the likes of you.”

“By creeping the hell out of the bad guys until they don’t want anything to do with you, right?”

“Says the one who is now the Demon King.” 

The delivery was weak, but the comeback made sense, in a way. 

“Well, since it’s your duty, I guess you can kill me.”

“But Aqua isn’t around. How will that help?”

“Everytime I die and don’t get revived, time resets itself. And I don’t know about you, but I’m not interested in being the main villain of the story. Way too many people like Magic Sword Guy will come by to beat me and I do not want to deal with that shit.”

“Hmm, that seems to make sense, in spite of the fact that the idea of you being the Demon King does sound… appealing.” 

“Appealing, huh. Do you think Megumin would be impressed?”

“Actually, why don’t we go ahead and deal with this first, okay!?”

“Ohohoho, is that jealousy I hear from you? Remember that I won’t mind if you try to use your hard muscles to force yourself onto me, you know?” 

“Gyaaahhhh!!!” 

In embarrassment at the teasing, Darkness pulled out her sword and swung it down at Kazuma’s head.

Only to strike the throne behind him instead. Same for the second attempt. And the third. And the fourth. And the-

“OK, WHY IS IT THAT YOU GUYS HAVE SUCH AN EASY TIME KILLING ME BY ACCIDENT, YET YOU FAIL SO SPECTACULARLY ON PURPOSE, HUH?!”

“I’M TRYING MY BEST, OKAY!”

* * *

[End Snip]

Darkness has entered the fray, creeping out villains and sadists alike, completing the team of dumbfucks and unleashing them upon the unsuspecting souls of the multiverse. And this means I can finally get to work on their first fused loop. There ain't no rest for these morons, unless they close their eyes for good. And that won't happen for a long, long time.

* * *

Boredom is Where the Heart Is

After a good, high stakes, life threatening adventure, the team would always return to the mansion and resume their daily lives. Daily Explosion practice for Megumin, regular exercise and noble duties for Darkness, partying and accruing debt for Aqua,and, the thing the three usually lambasted him for doing, lazing around the mansion for Kazuma.

Well, they would be lambasting him for it now, if they weren’t sitting with him on the couch, staring at the fireplace and doing nothing. Turns out, when you repeat the same adventures you’ve had before over and over enough times, it starts to get boring. Who knew? 

It also didn’t help that their main adventure this time around, which was to head to the capital to deal with Wolbach, had been swiftly taken care of when Megumin exploded the fallen goddess the moment they encountered her in the city of Alcanrentia. It did bring its own problems in the form of another debt, but that was dealt with rather easily too, thanks to Kazuma’s entrepreneurship amassing them a boatload of Eris.

So here they were, back home, doing nothing, slowly going insane from boredom. What a life.

“GYAAAAHHHH, KAZUMAAAAAA!” Aqua suddenly shot up from her seat and yelled into the air, earning nothing but the typical “Yes, Kazuma speaking” from Kazuma. “THIS IS BORING, AND I WANNA DO SOMETHING!”

“It’s shocking for me to say this, but I agree with you. I’ve always dreamed about living a life away from danger, but now this danger free life is making me  want  to go on a life threatening adventure.”

“I have to agree with Kazuma on this one.” Megumin had Chomusuke in her lap, lightly petting the little feline as she rested her chin on her unoccupied hand in boredom. “It’s getting to the point where I can’t get any satisfaction from destroying our enemies with Explosion. I need a more powerful, worthy target, but they’re becoming harder to find every repeat.”

“I can relate to you, Megumin.” Darkness sighed out. “The enemies aren’t as threatening as I remember them, and these repeats have made Kazuma only more cowardly.”

“Kazuma can hear you.”

“I haven’t been able to face off against threatening beasts and enemies in such a long time. And those we do face off against just aren’t threatening anymore. All I have is my imagination to help me pass the time.”

“Please don’t start describing things.”

They all sighed in boredom. There was nothing they could do that they hadn’t already done. They needed an idea, a plan, a personal quest. It was getting to the point where even Kazuma was seriously considering hunting down a dangerous beast, perhaps a Fenrir? If he could do that while drunk, then perhaps they could actually kill the damn thing when they worked together? They were an elite team of adventurers. The girls would make things so much easier.

“I think I’m going insane.” Kazuma muttered with a blank stare on his face. 

“Well… why don’t we make our own fun?” Aqua suggested out of the blue. It worked in getting the others attention, and Aqua continued with her idea. “What if instead of doing the same boring quests we always do every reset, we go do something unique, like… building a giant robot!”

“Yeah, that reminds me, why won’t you let me keep the ones we run into, Kazuma?” Megumin realized, and turned to the adventurer.

“Because it’s too big a responsibility for all of us. Besides, you’ll start dropping your responsibilities onto us when it starts to cut into your Explosion time.” He shot back at the mage, earning a look of rage from her. He ignored her, as he usually did, and continued. “But I think you have a point for once. Maybe instead of simply doing what we always do, we go do something completely different. Not a quest from the guild, or anything we usually do, but something we’ve never done before.”

“Yeah, like learning new skills.” Darkness added, ignoring Megumin’s shout of “NEVER” in the background. “Or travel somewhere else entirely. Perhaps we can find a way to go to this Japan place Kazuma keeps speaking about with Aqua.”

“Ehhh, let’s… not. I don’t think you guys can handle it. Especially ‘you know who’.” Kazuma whispered into her ear while not so subtly pointing at the arch mage.

“I know you’re talking about me!” The short tempered mage yelled out. She calmed herself down, however. “But I agree, we should be doing new things. Thanks to my incredible power, I have given us a unique opportunity. With these “Infinite Loops,” as I call them-”

“That’s a stupid name.”

“Shush you!” She whacked Kazuma over the head with her staff, then continued. “Anyway, with these “Infinite Loops,” we have the ability to do anything that we want without worrying of long term consequences. Travel the world, face off against new foes, all without fear of the repercussions of our actions.”

Now that, that sounded appealing to the gang of adventurers. Perhaps these “Infinite Loops” (still a stupid name) were not such a bad thing after all.

“Well, I guess that settles it.” Kazuma’s agreement brought smiles on everyone’s faces. “Let’s all come up with a cool adventure to go on. One full of challenges and chances of fame and fortune. When we all agree on an idea, we’ll make preparations and set out. Deal?”

“Deal!” x3

They did not come to an agreement. 

Almost every suggestion they could come up with was shut down by each other, either for being too scummy (Kazuma’s plan to bankrupt the kingdom of Elroad,) destructive (Megumin’s plan to blow up the entire Demon Army,) risky (Darkness’ plan to battle Axel’s Hydra using only the four of them,) and downright stupid (Aqua’s plan to spread the faith of her cult across the planet.)

That last one earned her a smack to the head from Kazuma, and she was now nursing the bruise with tears streaming down her face.

They were all still on the couch, still staring at the fireplace, still with bored expressions on their faces, and still with no idea on what to do, and with just a bit of shame on their lack of originality. 

Hopefully  something interesting would happen to this group to shake them out of their eternal boredom. Something wonderful.

Meanwhile, in a layer of reality far above all, that looked suspiciously like an office building.

Someone was sitting in front of a computer terminal, chuckling evilly to themselves. That chuckle slowly evolved into a full blown evil laugh. Whoever this was, they had plans for this team of morons. The identity of this being may be something that would-

“Eris! It’s your turn to get the coffee!”

“Ah, god damnit, I had a good evil laugh going.”

[End Snip]

* * *


End file.
